My father has been away for five years, an ordinary person, an ordinary life, and now I think that my father's world seems to be only black and white, or in the depths of my memory, there are still some other colors.

The father has three brothers and sisters, ranking the boss, there are two sisters below. Their generation seems to be always accompanied by hardships. It is reasonable to say that my grandfather is a private servant. It should not be the case, but life is like this: we dare not make fun of life, but life often takes us to open up. When his father was still young, his grandfather was addicted to opium. Finally, when his grandmother’s dowry was stolen for opium, the family’s elders could no longer tolerate and drove the grandfather out. Since then, the grandmother has pulled three children. The father is the boss of the family. Naturally, he is duty-bound. When he was 11 years old, he became the main labor force in the family. When we didn’t understand the affairs at this age, my father had to pick up the manure. At the beginning, because the size of the child is too small, picking an adult farm tool, always put a thick shoulder on the shoulder. In the time of slack farming, to subsidize the family, he and other adults to be porters, often others go home early, the father still rushed home in the middle of the night with a torch. I don't know how my father had survived this difficult time. He only knew that his father started to smoke cigarettes. In his words, he said: I often imagine a small person with a heavy burden on his shoulder and a long dry smoke gun on his mouth, so funny and bitter!

People always have to grow up. In the age of twenty, my father also married his mother, became a family, and then patched up the rich dowry for the two sisters, and married them. . To this day, the two sisters talked about their marriage and their faces were polished. In fact, with the family conditions at that time, it is not necessary at all, but the hardships of life always make people strong, good face, just suffering the father! Just when the debts we borrowed were not paid off, Grandma got breast cancer again. My father was a filial person. Even if the doctor told him that he couldn’t treat it, his father tried every means and asked the best doctor. Grandma operated the operation, and for this reason she owed a debt to her ass. Grandma finally walked in pain. In the eyes of the father, all of this is a natural thing. If you are sick, you should heal. Otherwise, it is not reasonable. If you are young, you will not be able to make irresponsible remarks.

Because the father's strong, good face, filial piety, and the family's extreme poverty, he was developed into a member of the Communist Party of China. This red humor also brought a red color to his black and white life. In the 1950s and 1960s, he was promoted to the production team leader. This work was basically an unpleasant chores at that time. Father always has to compete with other production teams, constantly and even unreasonably urged the members of the team to "super-English to catch up with the United States", naturally resentful, there will always be daring to jump out and resist. For this kind of thing, the father's handling is simple: if you don't accept it, then you will be convinced! In such a scene, I couldn't see it. The big sister said it was vivid: the father's organization meeting sometimes evolved into a "martial arts conference," and the father always "combined with the comrades." Of course, if you are singled out, your father is brave and warlike, and rarely loses. Whoever calls him so reluctant is generally afraid of others! In the end, the members who participated in the fight, because of the backwardness of their thoughts, will always be dealt with by the people's dictatorship, and they will no longer have the opportunity to scoop up the rice in the people's canteen, but this will also bring great disaster to our family. Anyway, several cottages in our family were burned. Who did it? I don’t know, my father has offended people! Now think about it, the father is so desperate, often get the "advanced production team" or "advanced production individual" at the end of the year, a certificate, a towel, an enamel cup, that is all, it is not worth it! However, my father didn’t look at it this way. In particular, when he told me to lead the members to “big steel”, he was still screaming, his passion, his eyes shining, and he returned to the same year! I think the father at that time was a little flying, but pure and happy! The world in front of him has a bloody color, but he does not know that his eyes are covered with red cloth!

The father’s “struggling” did not bring any benefits to the masses, nor did it bring benefits to the family. In the 61st and 62nd years, when the Great Famine began to overwhelm, the father did not have the mind to open a membership meeting. Every day, the division of labor for the members became "the people buried yesterday, and continue to bury people today!" What is this? Oh, especially after my 3 year old brother starved to death, my father’s realistic ideals and traditional ideals were completely disillusioned! The father began to fake the public and private, so that there was no family destruction. Of course, in the end, it was also reported that he was almost imprisoned. Naturally, he was expelled from the party organization and lifted the so-called "duty." It’s just that the father no longer has any reservations. The right to make a joke in life, the red humor turns black.

Later, I continued to have my third brother, four sisters, and five sisters. With my nephew, my father’s traditional ideals have been extended. Life has a head. He works hard, earns points, and feeds everyone. The child is tired like a cow. But in his spare time, he always tells me some interesting legends, stories, etc. Of course, he can't help but talk about his "fighting" youth! This is the happiest time of my childhood, and I often forget about hunger. The father’s life at this time is thorough and real and interesting.

These miserable or beautiful legends and stories also reveal the weak side of the father. But his father’s strong external nature will never change, but his ideals are very real in a higher place: it is to let our brothers study, leave his tired and exhausted countryside, go to the city, there is him Think of paradise, because there is national food to eat! It is undeniable that my father has a serious patriarchal thought, but his ability is limited. He can only choose what he thinks is correct. For my brothers to study, my sisters will go home to earn a job when they graduate from elementary school! This choice naturally leads to the father's lifelong embarrassment, real life is bitter, he never yells at and beats his sisters, but it is very harsh for our brothers. Rural parents educate their children to be nothing more than fists or sticks. This way is straightforward and effective, and the father is not unscrupulous. Especially when I violated his inner world and offended his ideals, I would beat me everywhere and beat it. Scared Bird! I was beaten twice by the impression. One time it was with the friends to smash a pair of magpies on the banyan tree in front of my house, which stung the weak heart of his father and destroyed his beauty! Another time is skipping classes. In the eyes of my father, these are serious incidents that cannot be forgiven. Only by slap in the face can you remember forever, even if I am his nephew!

In order to avoid embarrassment, I only have to study hard. When I was 12 years old, I was studying alone. I often only went home during the busy season, and there were fewer words. The father and the son were silent and only worked hard.

After graduating from college, due to changes in the national situation, I did not eat the “national food” that my father had been working on for, but instead ran around for a living, so there was very little time with my father. But my father always cares about me. I often write to me. I rarely talk about him and my mother. He told me that most of the things in my hometown are new things, and how these things are unreasonable, incredible, he is Such confusion is puzzled. I know that my father is old, always strong, never bows in front of life, and even a little self-righteous father, is old.

When he finally got his father around and lived together, his father was already in his 70s. The long and arduous life has destroyed his body and he is often sick. But the father always understands our hardships, supports them, and finally leads to a stroke. My father’s last wish was to go back to his hometown to see it, and because his physical condition was too bad to make it, it became my embarrassment forever. After his death, I tried my best to send him back to his hometown. According to our local customs, I finally escaped the cremation. I know that this is his wish. I can only do this.

I thought that my father's memory will always be clear, and now I know that it has become fragmented. If you can, please let me completely forget. But tonight, father, please remind me of me, even if it is only in your dreams.

Silicone Division Li Zewen